The Migraine Diva: #MHAMBC Day 27

"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)" Watch the Josh Groban video below and listen to the lyrics. How does it make you feel? Which lyrics do you find especially inspiring?

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Everyone needs to be heard
You are loved

~ Josh Groban - You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)

I have been in pain for twenty hours. I am at my breaking point. What I really want to do is cry because I have not had a break in pain for nearly twenty-four hours, but that would only intensify my pain. Migraines are horrible, relentless and life crushing. This particular attack was brought on by weather, a trigger that I have virtually no control over. Heavy rain, thunderstorms, fluctuating barometric pressure and a tornado warning all contributed to the intense and drawn out pain I have endured today. It has kept me from sleeping, otherwise known as painsomnia, and is making me feel pretty depressed. I hate suffering. These weather related migraines do not respond well to any pain relief and that is frustrating to say the least.

Stray tears fall down my face as I type this. I was barely motivated by today's prompt because I just felt too overwhelmed by pain and the growing feeling of sadness. It is times like these that make me so tired of this reality. It never gets any easier no matter how many bad attacks I have to go through. In no way do I feel like giving up on myself or on life, but I just feel depleted and worn out. What a lot of people fail to realize about Migraine is the toll that this disease takes on a person's psyche and mental well-being. Each migraine is an all out assault on the mind, body and spirit. It is exhausting fighting through each battle. Most of the time I power through them like a champion. Other times, like today, I am just too tired to fight. Knowing that a trip to urgent care or the emergency room won't help me at all makes me feel very defeated. I just wind up with a rebound headache a few hours later and those are usually worse than the original migraine that brought me there in the first place.

So what is there for me to do? Ice packs, a cup of coffee, essential oils, neurostimulation, antihistamines and pain relievers, darkness and quiet are my only resources. Are they enough to eliminate the pain? Not so much but it's better than nothing. When I think about how long I have been dealing with this amount of pain, it astounds me. Each time that it gets this bad I am shocked and surprised by how bad it hurts. I can't believe that this type of pain has been in my life since I was an eight year old. That is crazy to me. I apologize for not being my usual hopeful and optimistic self, but this is what Migraine is for me. I could have chosen to write about something more positive but I needed to express how I was feeling in this moment. Since I refuse to cry as it would make my pain beyond excruciating, the next best thing is to write about it.

Shedding light on the reality of Migraine is my purpose. I need for the world to understand and feel what it is that 38 million Americans with Migraine (4 million of whom have Chronic Migraine) experience. We want to be heard, which is why the verse, "Don't give up, everyone wants to be heard", stood out to me. Whenever the pain is very intense, I feel very alone in my pain. There isn't anyone immediately around me who understands or relates to what I am feeling or going through. It makes me want to scream out so that everyone can hear me. I just want to be heard and quite frankly, it feels as if no one is listening. I suffer silently and alone, but this time I want to world to feel what I feel...what we as migraineurs feel. I pray that I will be able to rest tonight and that the pain will start to ease up. It is about all that I can do at this point, short of getting a cocktail of pain meds that will undoubtedly cause me more grief tomorrow. It is my hope that all of our voices are heard and people keep listening.