Suspended in Animation

It's been a few weeks since I've posted anything.  I have had a difficult time this month.  Not only has my migraines not gotten any better but I was diagnosed with having myofascial pain syndrome as well.  Isn't that great?!  I was devastated when I got the diagnosis.  How much more pain am I supposed to endure?  I can't even get the migraines under control.  How am I going to deal with this on top of it?  For a brief moment I thought that I found a doctor that would finally help me.  He was a pain management specialist and he offered treatments that my neurologist would never give me.  The first was a C2 stellate ganglion block where he would numb the nerve itself and inject steroids.  The procedure is somewhat invasive where it's done in a treatment room under flouroscopic guidance (x-ray).  I had a migraine that was an 8/10 that day.  After the nerve block my neck was stiff and I couldn't turn it very well.  I still had the migraine.  In fact, it grew worse over the course of the day into the next.  I was in so much pain I swore the it was off the charts.  Over the following three weeks until my next follow-up, I still had daily migraines.  Nothing really changed. 

Video of Stellate Ganglion Block 

Now, he said on my very first visit that if that didn't work that the next thing would be to do RF Degeneration and if that didn't work then getting a neurostimulator would be the next step.  So when I went back to his office last week and I told him that nothing has changed since the procedure.  He basically said that he's not a headache specialist and that there's nothing else he can do.  That I need more aggressive treatment.  He mentioned the neurostimulator again but this time he made me feel as though he didn't want to touch that subject with a ten foot pole.  He gave me an orbital nerve block above my left eye and sent me home.  I went to my car and cried.  Why?  Why does it always end like this?  He said he could refer me to Dr. Ducic at Georgetown University Hospital but I told him that he doesn't accept my insurance.  He said that's too bad.  You think?!

Now I was back to square one.  I had to find a headache specialist.  None are in my immediate area and all but one accept my insurance.  So, I submitted the information to my primary for the referral and of course, Kaiser denied it.  As soon as I get the denial letter in the mail I'll be appealing it.  It shouldn't be this hard to see a specialist.  It just makes dealing with all my conditions that much harder.  As far as the myofascial pain syndrome (MPS) goes, I'm still getting used to having it.  I'm taking Cymbalta now to help treat the pain and to help better manage my depression and anxiety.  I was originally taking Wellbutrin SR and Celexa but after dealing with such disappointment it was getting harder for me to pull out of the very depressed states I was falling into.  I can't do the things I'm used to without something hurting.  Driving makes my ankles and wrists hurt.  Typing this blog post is killing my wrists and fingers.  I can't even hold my cell phone without my fingers and wrists hurting.  My left elbow is constantly in pain and I just love it when I get shooting pains up and down my legs and across my chest.  I'm also trying to get Kaiser to pay for a cranial stimulator.  That's another story for another day.

I'm in day four of a migraine attack and today brings severe ear pain to the party.  I'm very tired and feeling stuck in the same situation over and over again.  It's like my life is being drawn onto a cel and pain is dictating each scene.  I truly feel as if I'm suspended in animation.  Trapped in a world of pain with no way of finding the way out.  Every day is Groundhog Day for me.  It's pretty difficult to stay positive when each day feels just like the one before.  Disappointment is the shadow that follows me everywhere.  For once, I would like some good news.  I hope I get it sooner than later because I don't know how much longer I can hang on to hope.