A Silent Sufferer

For most of my life the only normalcy I knew was one that involved chronic pain. As an 8 year-old girl I couldn't understand why my head would hurt so bad and why no one could help me. Yes, I had a neurologist but it was also 1986. Treatment for migraine, especially pediatric migraine, consisted of taking a useless beta-blocker daily for a preventative and using Tylenol as an abortive medication. Needless to say, I suffered. My whole childhood was impacted. I was scrutinized by teachers and classmates for missing school frequently for what they thought were only "headaches". At home, my sisters' asthma were seen as a more serious problem than my migraines often and left me to feel disregarded and not taken very seriously. I had to miss out on many activities because a migraine would be triggered by something. For a very long time I knew I felt different. I couldn't feel happy like I thought I should. I understand now that it was the early signs of depression, which I have been clinically diagnosed with almost ten years ago. It is a sad realization to reflect on the last 24 years of my life and to know that living was centered around debilitating pain. It sometimes amazes me that I have managed to raise three very well-behaved, polite, well-mannered and respectable children despite the unbearable pain I've endured. The past two years have been the most difficult as this disease has become more aggressive. I have chronic daily migraine and no medication is working. I feel like I'm on a decline. The impact on my psyche and my physical well-being has been quite a burden to those closest to me. I can't help but feel guilty that my kids and husband suffer along with me. I can't do all the things they want to do because it'll cause a migraine. I feel bad so much of the time. It has laid a heavy burden upon my heart. I try to stay positive but it has become more difficult the past few months. I do have something to look forward to - acupuncture. After having to appeal my insurance company's decision to not cover it, I was finally given the referral to see the acupuncturist I wanted and needed to be connected with. I can not wait to see what comes of it. I have nothing left to lose. The whole purpose of this blog is to be a sounding board for my frustrations, discoveries, and revelations as well as for those people who cope with migraine. I hope to give insight to this terrible disease. Thankfully, more attention has been given to migraine but still not nearly enough. Let this help to shed more light.


Blessings